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I maintain the conviction that it is always possible to change. My view is you can in fact train a seasoned creature, provided that the experienced individual is open-minded and eager for knowledge. So long as the old dog is prepared to acknowledge when it was wrong, and work to become a improved version.

Well, admittedly, the metaphor applies to me. And the lesson I am working to acquire, although I am set in my ways? It is an major undertaking, something I have struggled with, often, for my all my days. The quest I'm on … to become less scared of huntsman spiders. Pardon me, all the different eight-legged creatures that exist; I have to be pragmatic about my potential for change as a human. The focus must remain on the huntsman because it is imposing, dominant, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. This includes three times in the recent past. In my own living space. I'm not visible to you, but a shudder runs through me at the very thought as I type.

It's unlikely I’ll ever reach “admirer” status, but I’ve been working on at least achieving Normal about them.

A deep-seated fear of spiders dating back to my youth (in contrast to other children who adore them). During my childhood, I had a sufficient number of brothers around to ensure I never had to engage with any directly, but I still freaked out if one was clearly in the same room as me. One incident stands out of one morning when I was eight, my family unconscious, and trying to deal with a spider that had crawled on to the living room surface. I “dealt” with it by retreating to a remote corner, nearly crossing the threshold (for fear that it pursued me), and discharging a generous amount of bug repellent toward it. The chemical cloud missed the spider, but it did reach and disturb everyone in my house.

With the passage of time, whoever I was dating or living with was, by default, the most courageous of spiders between us, and therefore responsible for dealing with it, while I made low keening sounds and ran away. When finding myself alone, my tactic was simply to exit the space, plunge the room into darkness and try to forget about its presence before I had to enter again.

Not long ago, I visited a friend’s house where there was a notably big huntsman who made its home in the sill, primarily hanging out. To be less fearful, I conceptualized the spider as a female entity, a gal, in our circle, just relaxing in the sun and listening to us chat. Admittedly, it appears quite foolish, but it was effective (somewhat). Or, actively deciding to become less scared proved successful.

Whatever the case, I’ve tried to keep it up. I contemplate all the logical reasons not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders won’t harm me. I recognize they eat things like flies and mosquitoes (creatures I despise). It is well-established they are one of nature’s beautiful, non-threatening to people creatures.

Yet, regrettably, they do continue to walk like that. They propel themselves in the utterly horrifying and somehow offensive way imaginable. The vision of their numerous appendages transporting them at that terrible speed causes my primordial instincts to go into high alert. They ostensibly only have a standard octet of limbs, but I am convinced that triples when they are in motion.

Yet it is no fault of their own that they have frightening appendages, and they have an equal entitlement to be where I am – possibly a greater claim. My experience has shown that taking the steps of trying not to have a visceral panic reaction and retreat when I see one, trying to remain composed and breathing steadily, and consciously focusing about their beneficial attributes, has actually started to help.

Simply due to the reality that they are furry beings that scuttle about extremely quickly in a way that haunts my sleep, does not justify they warrant my loathing, or my high-pitched vocalizations. I am willing to confess when my reactions have been misguided and motivated by irrational anxiety. I’m not sure I’ll ever attain the “catching one in a Tupperware container and taking it outside” level, but one can't be sure. There’s a few years for this seasoned learner yet.